“Everybody Can’t Go: How I’m Learning to Love Me First”

Whew—let’s talk about it.

For most of my life, I’ve been the fixer. The one who shows up, checks in, stretches herself thin just to make sure everyone else is okay. I’ve bent over backwards to keep the peace, held my tongue when I should’ve spoken up, and said “yes” when everything inside me was screaming “girl, say no.”

But something shifted in this season.

I realized that people pleasing isn’t love it’s survival. And I’m done surviving. I’m choosing to live.

Boundaries Aren’t Walls—They’re Windows

Setting boundaries used to feel like a punishment. I didn’t want to let people down. I didn’t want to be seen as “difficult” or “selfish.” But over time, I started to see the truth:

If I keep saying yes to everyone else, I’ll always be saying no to myself.

So I started saying things like:

“That doesn’t work for me right now.”

“I need some time to process this.”

“I love you, but I can’t carry that.”

And you know what? The world didn’t fall apart.

Some people backed away. Some took it personal. Some relationships faded. And that hurt but it also healed. Because everything and everyone is not meant to go with you into your next level. And that includes friendships, family ties, and old versions of myself I’ve outgrown.

💗 Softness is My Superpower Now

I used to wear hardness like armor. “Strong Black Woman” vibes all day. But I’ve entered a new era—a soft era—where I’m finally letting myself feel. To rest. To cry without apologizing. To say “I’m not okay” and not feel ashamed of it.

Soft doesn’t mean weak.

It means safe.

It means intentional.

It means I now protect my peace the same way I used to protect other people’s feelings.

🧘🏽‍♀️ Self-Love, Self-Care, Self-Preservation

Here’s what I’ve been practicing:

Waking up and checking in with myself before checking in with the world

Saying no without explanation

Creating space in my life for rest, reflection, and joy

Listening to my intuition and letting that be my final answer

I’m not perfect at it. But I’m getting better at choosing myself first. I now understand that self-preservation is not selfish it’s sacred.

🌱 Final Thoughts: Letting Go, Growing Up

Growth is not always loud. Sometimes it looks like sitting alone at brunch and not feeling lonely. Sometimes it’s walking away from a decades-long friendship because your peace costs too much. Sometimes it’s crying in the car, then still showing up for yourself.

I’m learning, in real time, how to love from within.

And while everybody can’t go, I’m still going. I’m still rising. I’m still healing. And I’m loving this version of me that no longer seeks external validation for internal peace.

ARE YOU!!! in this season too this boundary-setting, heart-softening, peace-protecting season know that you’re not alone. Keep leaning in. Keep choosing you.

Because you’re worth it—without explanation, without guilt, without compromise.

#SoftEra #SelfLoveFirst #BoundariesAreBeautiful #AFreshSeason #HealingOutLoud #ALifeWithNina